Flooding Overwhelmes Warrior

A setback. A reality check. A course deviation. A release. An admission. A near-universally appreciated change. A disappointing result. An opportunity to practice acceptance. An opportunity to practice forgiveness.

About a month ago, the organization I am employed by hired two exceptionally capable trainers to spend an entire day with everyone in the organization in a workshop to allow for reawakening of trust & the foundational steps toward revitalizing an organization that has been devastated from executive abuse, incompetent current management, & radical mission change without changes to resources. The workshop day was very successful, & all were motivated to move forward with the exception of one IBM trained Warlord (henceforth to be known here as the "Closed Heart Warlord") who refused to open any emotional gates & refused to discuss organization growth via increased trust. Because I am a professional trainer, & because I was familiar with & to the trainers, having been a participant previously in one of their workshops, my name was listed next to the short-term but immediate objective of finding ways to build inter-personal trust until the receipt of the official summary from the trainers. Despite the fact the the refusing Closed Heart Warlord declared herself in charge of making sure the agreements made during the workshop were hammered into a workable document for the organization to live by going forward, which of course would end up being worthless under her formulation, I did make progress over the next month in establishing some ground rules, getting some shift in behavior toward trust, & in keeping pressure on the Warlords to stay focused on what is needed to heal the organization. During last weekend, I accidentally happened across the calendar of the Closed Heart Warlord & discovered that she has scheduled herself to be out of town on the day of the "mandatory all-hands building trust meeting" during which the employees will be asking direct face to face questions to each manager, via an anonymous list with the questions read out by a neutral 3rd party. The purpose of this is to build trust through disclosure & open dialog which of course the Closed Heart Warlord refuses to participate in. The meeting is so important that a Big Biggie will be coming to watch the action. I have no doubt that the level of fear within the Closed Heart Warlord was so extreme that she had to "get out of town". I discovered this & made sure that the management knows about it and also indicated that imho it defeats the purpose of the organizational level trust building meeting & that it should therefor be postponed until the Closed Heart Warlord can be present to face her questioners in person. Today I was informed by my boss that my tenure as the short-term trust builder has come to a successful close and that I am to let the subject drop *:-) I am happy about that because it means I did not fail and fought a good fight, although the Closed Heart Warlord has won her battle to avoid the questions.

My practice now is to begin the process of forgiveness with the Closed Heart Warlord, which is proving very very hard to do, because at the moment I feel as though she defeated the organization, and that everyone will suffer because of her behavior. My advisors are right, I am free of the obligation now, but I am having trouble letting go (no surprise there). My wife also says I went too far, which makes me angry with her because it feels as though she is not trying to understand me & share my feelings, but of course I have work to do there too. My, I'm going to be busy *:-)

Still no word on our new grandson that is still enwombed, so we are listening carefully for the phone call that will let us know another family member has arrived.

Food Lump, Ghosts, Small Change

Today the IT team went to lunch together & went to the "all you can eat" Indian food restaurant. I hate "all you can eat" Indian food restaurants because I eat too much, and then don't feel good for the rest of the afternoon. I don't know why I do that. I know better by now. I do it anyway. I will stop doing that soon *:-) I still have a food lump in my tummy that will not move. I don't feel good. Remember this, please, for next time.

It is an odd odd time here in South Swamp. The Warlords pass one another as though they aren't fighting, but they are. The staff who were laid off, and are now officially 11 days into their 60-day death march, are beginning to appear as ghosts occasionally, and I expect that will increase as they get closer to their actual death day. Weird for the rest of us tho. Not much point in working on anything with someone who is turning into a ghost.

If the Biggies approve it tomorrow, a couple of us will be moving to another part of the building. Not really much of a change for me, but at this point around here, change is good.

Lords Of South Swamp [(c) 2007 OurAutumn]

Well, through the process of trying to make sense of the convolutions & striations & silos that currently make up my workplace, I have a temporary ID for the place: "South Swamp". You may have heard, or heaven help us actually watched, "South Park", so that is sort of the model (no, I haven't ever watched it, but there are snippets here and there on the web that I have seen). I just did a google on south park, & actually it sounds fairly cool, so maybe I will try to watch some of it *:-)

Anyway, the Lords Of South Swamp continue to sneak & plot & fight, & they bring all the hanging dead & dying vegetation of their respective pasts with them on their bodies. I have just decided that I shall be a Warrior Of Service, Food & Meditation (WOSFM?...sounds like a radio station). Anyway, I shall chose my own personal colors, create my own personal crest, fabricate my own warshield & weapons, & will now look around for my charger so I can ride into battle, once someone points me in the right direction *:-)

Swamp Slogging: Parsing The Puerile Poop

Arghhhh. Hour after hour listening to the ping-pong outpourings of the staff member who considers himself an expert in all things computer, but really just wants to be loved by everybody. I am responsible for putting together a training that will allow normal everyday staff members to migrate our online courses from one LMS to another. The staff member has the job title that makes him the "expert" & therefor he was able to talk our boss into letting him do the so called "training" to get things started, & my boss, who knows very well that he won't really train anyone, but will just show them, forced him to have me in the room also using a digicam to capture his poop, & then I have to make an actual training out of it. The staff member does no prep, using no script, does not do a needs analysis, and just wanders around through the app arbitrarily showing the attendees stuff he remembers how to do. Obviously, sitting through a session like that is hell for me, & not only that, but now I am reviewing the 1 hour, 49 minute & 23 second video over & over, trying to pull together a training out of it. I have already realized that the two key learning objectives that our boss jointly told us must be accomplished, have not even been touched. I will need to write a biting email this weekend that shows we still have at least one, maybe two, more sessions to go.

I was sitting on my throne this morning mentally suffering because I didn't know how to proceed with the video project, & then my loving wife spent time with me & talked to me for a while, which loosened my mind, & then I was given the insight that I won't actually be able to finish the training materials this weekend, as I had wanted to, but instead I will need to create a story board and script, & then show where the holes are. That allowed me to come up to my office here at home and get started wading through the swamp again. Thanks, sweetie *:-)

War In Our Tunnel Of Transition

Core personality characteristics are becoming more evident as our time in transition rolls on. We still do not know who or what we are, but warlords are appearing and are fighting for territory so that they can establish their own communities & build their own dynasties in whatever new country, nebula, wasteland, ocean, planet, moon, or asteroid we become. An ancient warlord, who comes from the planet IBM, is working full tilt at manifesting rules & regulations that parallel those from her former planet, but do not seem to mesh with what we have been told we will be doing. A young warlord, not yet battle scarred & still quite philosophical, is asking his minions to "think good thoughts" about the future structure as his method of waging war. One former warlord has dropped out of the battle & has sought refuge in the folds of the skirts of the still Interim Acting Executive Director, since she has a guaranteed position going forward & he is hoping to remain hidden & protected by her. A fierce Valkyrie-like warlord has been killed by the Super Big Biggies, & her bloated carcass is sometimes seen floating by in email snippets or momentary sightings. There are up to 23 warlords still hidden in the trees, & only the Big Biggies know who they are & when they might strike as none of us are permitted to know these things. The Big Biggies will kill off all but 5 of the currently hidden warlords, & then they will appear to us under a flag of truce so that take-over negotiations can begin. One of our own warlords is vying for the currently vacant supreme leader position, but he also has not viewed his enemy & is quietly preparing for the final battle. More shall be revealed as the fog of war thins & the sound of battle quiets for a time.

4th Of July; Great Freedom Food *:-)

Perfect day for my wife & I...we got a phone call letting us know that our very very pregnant daughter in law was NOT going to go to another city to watch fireworks even though her relatives had invited her. The traffic on the particular (& only) road between here & there is horribly, & solidly, jammed on nearly every nice day, & today was beautiful. We were relieved that no potential helicopter rescue would be needed if she were to go into labor while stuck in traffic, so once we got past that point, we were able to relax & had just a very nice day, which included me firing up the propane grill & grilling veggie shishkabob, burgers & dogs, & warming the buns too *:-) Everything came out just like it is supposed to, with the black lines across everything, & the carcinogenic black edges *:-) We loaded them up with mustard, ketchup & pickle, & scarfed them joyfully down while drinking wine *:-O Excellent *:-)

We have finally been able to open up the house again now that the temperature has lowered a bit, & hopefully this night's cool air will be enough to protect us from what is supposed to be a very hot day tomorrow.

Briefly Congealed Vapor; Proposal Will Be Forwarded

For about one hour today, a group of my work colleagues coalesced in a conference room and made decisions, in part because I got up and went to the white board and forced commitments. At least now we have a proposal for what we might do to to get some new things going around here, with this meeting primarily focused on distributing what we currently own. Not exciting in and of itself, but I mentioned that we might use guerrilla marketing tactics with certain unions and grassroots organizations, which spiced the meeting up some *:-)

Delightful Gift, Excellent Carseat, Early Anniversary Meal

My wife & I love the character "Mater" from the Cars movie, & have given ourselves a couple little toys for display & fondling close by our work areas, & enjoy making Mater jokes & referring to the character from time to time. We spent time together today celebrating our anniversary a day early, & after returning to our home, my wife gave me the gift she had picked out for me: an incredibly delightful, funky & fun Mater radio/alarm combo *:-) It is hilarious, & has actual audio clips from the movie in Mater's voice that are used as the wake up message. Helluva a lot of fun to listen to *:-) Well, then the fun really begins *:-) The instructions for setting the time, establishing the alarm time & sequence, & for finding the radio station we want remind me of when the very first stuff started to arrive from Japan, & yes I am old enough to remember when "made in Japan" was a very derogatory thing to say about a product. Well, no one actually knows where this product was made, because all the literature vaguely refers to import sites in New York and Canada, but nothing really specific as to where it was made or as to where the impossible to follow instructions were written. I will be spending time figuring it out, because we love the crazy thing, & about every 15 minutes tonight while we were watching a dvd, Mater blasted out his wake up message in an uncontrolled manner, & after about 7 times of that, I had to take the batteries out *:-)

We dropped by our granddaughter's home this afternoon so we could have her mom & dad give approval to the very excellent new carseat we purchased so that we can truly be helpful grandparents & so they won't have to worry about our granddaughter when she is with us in our car. Our granddaughter was asleep, but that was fine, & our son came out to the car & checked it out and approved our installation *:-) My wife stayed in the house with our daughter in law, who is ready to give birth any day now, & was radiantly beautiful with the birth process coming down on her very quickly. I felt honored to see her in that state *:-)

I took my wife to the Indian restaurant that I recently discovered with my work colleagues & she really liked the food too, so hopefully we can meet up there sometimes *:-)

Saint-Tropez? Well, Almost *:-)

So wonderfully beautiful & warm, with ocean breezes here today! As I drove along the ocean coast during my lunch hour, viewing the distant hills over the perfect bay waters, with small white caps, sail boats, power boats, and smaller craft moving freely and happily about on the water, the thought of Saint-Tropez came to my mind and I was grateful that I could enjoy such a wonderful day *:-)

Today's staff meeting washed more of the masks off, and we are beginning to see each other for what we really are. That is good, but not comfortable. Several staff members paired off after the meeting and went for long walks outside to find their new places in the scheme of things. The report I gave was well received by the senior managers in the room, but was uncomfortable for a particular faction that is attempting a coup by usurpation of mandate. Who knows what will happen next?

Software Imperative; Headhunter Calls

We are discovering, partly because I am doing the discovering, that our software packages currently installed on our desktops is not matching the requirements of what we believe will be our new mandate. Today I recommended to senior management, after conferring with the IT Manager, that we needed to upgrade several desktop apps. This will be one way to find out if the Super Big Biggies are really intending us to stay in business, or if they are just going to let us bleed to death slowly.

The reason I bring that up is that I got an offer from a county office to take a position that I applied for 2 years ago, and which I wanted quite a bit. The hiring officer agreed, after hearing what I was currently making and what I was currently doing, that it might be close to a wash, but he and I like each other and I would also be good at doing that job, so we have agreed to sit down and talk it over in a couple weeks. It is hard for me to know if the position I have now will continue past fall 2008, or even if it will last that long. I believe the county job would last longer, but it also would be vulnerable to budget cut backs, so this is a bit of a tough one. I am asking for guidance and I believe I will be shown the right road to take. Nice to be wanted though *:-)

Moodle Schwag, Forums, Courses

Its been a Moodle day for us Moodlums *:-) I got my Moodle hat, & some magnetic thingies, and some buttons for the learners who successfully complete my trainings, & most important for me, two books that are the best ones for learning/using Moodle. The company will reimburse me for the stuff I use in the trainings, buy not my hat *:-( I spent quite a bit of time in the forums and looking around in the lounge, & actually got a personal helpful email from one of the Moodle staff pointing me in the right direction after I posted in the wrong place.
Tomorrow is planned for me to actually begin building courses, & I hope that will happen. We will see.

Indian Food *:-)

Cool. There is a new Indian food restaurant in town, & our team went there for lunch today & it is very good! I think my son & perhaps my daughter have already been there & mentioned it, but I am not sure if I remember that correctly. When the 4 of us were in the middle of the meal, the owner, an Indian man but dressed western style, came over & asked us how things were, and we all agreed they were excellent. He made some remark and I realized that I could respond by using my very limited Hindi, which I did, and he was slightly taken aback briefly & then said "Oh of course, you have been to India & you have learned some basic & helpful words & phrases". He had the traditional Indian mask of non-commitment, but I believe the interchange was pleasant for him & it was for my colleagues & I as well. Fun! Good Food! Why Not?! *:-)

Foggy Journey, Metamorphosis Affective Disorder, Moodlum

The virtual dust & residue thicken on the few artifacts of the old workplace still standing, but all the windows are broken, letting the fog into the structure, which gets blown back out through the disintegrating roof. Senior managers are now feeling the loss, which I am hereby naming "Metamorphosis Affective Disorder" -"MAD" [(c) 2007 OurAutumnBlog] because some of them got reduced in grade, and some of them have had to lay their people down. The senior managers are depressed, and this is dangerous for those of us who have already moved past the moment of destruction which happened last week, and are working hard to build a new starship. I am preparing 6 trainings for staff development to support the changes that are happening, and I hosted a meeting for the managers today, and the trainings all got thumbs up, but when I said I only wanted those who have been kept to attend the trainings, immediate resistance was spoken by the managers, who want to let those who have been laid off but are working out their 2 month severance work life "be let down gently, and to still feel part of the workplace". I understand their desire, but I don't want to waste time & energy on people who will be negative coming in to the trainings and won't give anything back after the training. I will probably lose this one *:-)

Last Friday I got a call from a colleague at my former workplace, both of us veterans of the US Army, and he said the local VA office has been trying to get in touch with me. I interviewed with the local VA office for a Veteran's Service Representative position, and I placed first in all the assessments, including the face to face interview. They wanted me, and talked to me, but then at the last moment a senior VSR from another city in this state wanted to spend his last year of service on the coast, where he wanted to retire, so he bumped me and they didn't get to hire anyone and had to take him. Possibly he has retired now, and maybe they want me to go back through the process. Don't know. I found all the info this evening and will call them tomorrow *:-)

I plan to get certified in Moodle (becoming a "Moodlum"), so if anyone out there knows of any reason I would be wasting my time doing so, please let me know *:-)

Shiva Dancing, Five Stages, Walk In The Woods

Shiva is wonderfully engaged in dancing the dissolution of the former place of my employment, & is dancing the birth of the new place of my employment. I shall endeavor to enjoy the dance, add my own music to the celebration, & go with the flow of creation.

All of us who are participating in the dance with Shiva are cycling through the five stages of loss, & I have a poster in my cube that reminds me what they are, & that they are inevitable, & that they can be moved through safely with a little help from grace.

What a tasty treat yesterday! We got a spontaneous call from our son & his family: an invitation to meet them in a park that is located in the environment we live in, instead of the usual city park that gets trodden in tandem. We were thrilled with the opportunity to see & be with our 19 month old granddaughter in places that we believe are very special & unique, which she cannot see or be in anywhere else in the world. She was just brilliant, a real trooper, & made it through the whole experience, including getting up close & personal to a real steam train. She seems very well socialized, so kudos to my son & his wife, & she is taking the bumps, cuts & bruises of her life so far in stride. We had a really good time, & are filled up with good feelings. Thanks you guys *:-)

Dark Nebula Passes, New Star In Birth Canal

Dark Nebula has died, squeezed into non-existence by forces of nature and chaos. Total silence. Total darkness. Total nothing. Total null.

At a meeting lasting 14 minutes today, the management team handed out copies of the new organization chart, without names until everyone who will be laid off is told in person.

I got my appointment with the Interim Acting Executive Director about 40 minutes after the meeting ended, and I am happy to report that I am still employed, still have the same title, and will receive at least the same amount of money that I am now getting *:-) I am grateful *:-)

So...what's next? We don't know for sure. We just know that a new star is being born, and has not yet taken sufficient shape for us mortals to recognize & name it.

That is enough for today.

Late Night Blinkers, Packed Key In Purse

Yesterday afternoon, when I returned from getting the dvds, I put my emergency flashers on while I was backing up into our hilly parking space, as I always do, & was extra careful because of the kids that were visiting next door for their Father's Day celebration. I forgot to turn the blinkers off *:-( -Seven hours later, when closing up the house & getting ready to turn in for the night, I noticed the reflection of my blinkers on the house across the way & realized what I had done. I dressed quickly, went out to turn them off & tried to try to start the car, which of course would not start because the battery was way too low to turn the engine over. Still, all was not lost, because that gave me a chance to charge up our emergency battery booster over night, & when I went out this morning & hooked up the booster, the engine, although complaining, did turn over & I was able to leave the car running about 30 minutes while parked to get some juice into the battery. Although I am carrying the booster around with me, I have not had to use it today *:-)

In addition to a couple urgent calls for support for some of the men in the men's group I work with, also my wife called me in a dizzy tizzy because she could not find the key to the rental car even though she had it in her hand a few minutes prior, & she was due to leave for work immediately. I recommended she call a taxi & get it to bring her down to my workplace, then she could transfer all her stuff into my car, take my car, & then pick me up at 9 p.m. after she got off work. She sort of agreed to that, but then after a couple minutes I changed my mind & called her & said I would drive up to get her & she did not need to call a taxi. Ten minutes after I was on the road to get her, what do you guess happened...

Yup, she found the key. -All's well that end's well *:-)

Peaceful Day, Dizzy & Nauseous Wife, Chocolate Father's Day Cake

This Sunday, today, which happened to be Father's Day, was peaceful. Our neighbors had a fairly loud, raucous family outdoor party going on, but our home is very well built & we could not hear the noise unless we were outside. I got a call from my eldest son to wish me happy Father's Day, who was pretty worn out because he and his family attended a family gathering on Saturday (not ours) which included a sleep-over, & his 18 month old daughter had a little trouble sleeping, so of course he did too, since he is the dad *:-) Happy Father's Day son *:-) Thanks for giving me the call too *:-) My father is dead, so I cannot call him.

My wife fell ill mid-morning today with dizzy spells & nausea, which arrive every few months, which made the day unpleasant for her, but we were ok with it because we could be together, & we did not have any heavy pressures on us, & there wasn't much pain, so no worries. She was able to get a little of the work done that she needs to complete for her upcoming show, but not as much as planned & she didn't enjoy it as much as usual. I don't know the name for what she is experiencing, & neither does she.

My daughter did not communicate with me today, but I don't worry about that either, because sooner or later everyone gets to the same point about their parents, so everything will happen in its own time.

I made a brief trip to the dvd library because we didn't have much to watch, and since my wife is not feeling well, we thought some diversion would be good. While out doing that, I also went to the grocery store, and in addition to the regular stuff to get us through the week, I bought one piece of vegan chocolate cake *:-) We shared it when I got home (after micro-waving it for exactly 22 seconds), and it was good *:-) Happy Father's Day me *:-)

Cease Fire, Rest & Recuperation

Bliss today. I was given a full day with my wife, & we were able to do peaceful daily activities that were natural, full of pleasant social interaction, and productive. No incoming small arms fire from Dark Nebula, and the mortars, RPGs & missiles were quiet too. I have been very active and in the front lines during the last 2 weeks, and this R&R is needed and I am grateful. I did not do heavy physical labor today either, because my feet, ankles & knees are still healing from the efforts of the last several weeks. All in all, a restful & fulfilling day.

Something special happened also. My youngest son, from whom I have been pretty much estranged for many years, sent me a father's day card that said for the very first time, he can truly say "thank you" for me being his father, and he also made reference to my spiritual practice as being something he appreciates also. Very big deal, and with tears in my eyes, I called him to make sure he knows I appreciate him sharing his feelings with me. Very cool *:-)

TGFT, Apple Store, Mad Hatter

Wow, what a week....

Thank God For Trance, which keeps my brain slate clean, so I can catch all the data coming in and process it as quickly as possible.

Fabulous, just fabulous, results for my wife from her natural dye workshop...the colors are truly some of the most beautiful I have ever seen....way to go *:-)

I got to visit an Apple Store for the very first time! I loved it! I want to go back! I want to take my wife! My MacBookPro was down to 84MB of available space, which means I could not do anything. It has been getting worse and worse for several months now, and although I researched diligently, spent an entire Saturday looking at the size of every file on the machine, I could not find the huge block of space that was not available. I gave up. I booked an appointment with the Genius Bar, and took it in. It took even the genius 1.5 hours to fix it, but it is totally ok now. Way back, more than a year ago, because I work for a government organization and sometimes have data about minors on my machine, I had set up File Vault to always run, and boy did it ever do a good job *:-) File Vault had diligently locked up 68.4GB, yes, that's GigaBytes, of data, and was in the process of consuming nearly my whole hard drive, but it couldn't be seen with the properties tools that I had on the standard software on the mac. The Genius Bar guy used "WhatSize", a shareware tool, to determine where the problem was, and then we spent a lot of time figuring strategies to be able to do anything since the mac was nearly completely locked up on disk space. I had my 120GB external drive with me, and we were able to use that to move stuff around. Deleting the files, once they had been moved, took 23 minutes just for that. I picked up one small software package while I was at the store to enhance my Keynote stuff, and then went back to work. That same night, I was so happy that I stayed up until 1 a.m. creating the Keynote preso I was to give the next day. Very cool. I am happy to have my mac back *:-) I also purchased the ProCare card, which is very excellent looking, and have already used it to get one of our other, older macs in for the annual tune up. Like I said, I am happy *:-)

I wore a "Mad Hatter" top hat today, complete with the little paper notice sticking out of the brim, for the presentation I gave. The presentation was well received *:-)

Have Fun *:-)

Pedagogically Black, Natural Dye, & Trust

Excellent learning experience for me on Saturday, as I delivered a sponsored training to a room full of well educated, mono-ethnicity educators. I was not aware that the participants would all be of one race, & as a result of that I was privileged to observe an entire day of teaching & learning delivery systems that I don't have in my bag of tricks. My training was well received, and I got enough input to build on my own skills to last me a year or so. Cool.

My wife is a passionate fiber artist, and she hosted a natural dye workshop on our property this weekend, and it was a fulfilling and valid learning experience for everyone, and all seemed to have had a positive and enjoyable experience. Good on ya, girl *:-)

Dark Nebula continues to rotate slowly in a universe of silence, but as a result of last weeks intervention by two professionals, I have a mandate to develop trainings based on answers to the question "How shall we develop trust?" I have some materials on order & have already begun changing my behaviour, because in a private email to me from the intervening professional facilitators after the workshop, they said that I had been identified as a primary role model for the other employees, and so it makes sense for me to do my best to turn Dark Nebula into the best place it can be. I have started *:-)

Oasis Of Healing During 10-Hour Ceasefire

A 10-hour ceasefire was negotiated for yesterday between 8:30 a.m. and 6:30 p.m., so that the two high level negotiators who were brought in could meet with everyone, including all management and staff, in a day-long gloves-off common session which got all emotional issues on the table, and then during the second half of the negotiations, discovered some stepping stones that we can lay down, if we choose to, to create a path out of the war zone with minimal damage to personnel and the organization. I made significant commitments to change, and I am at peace now with the challenges coming, and my place in them. I grew personally quite a bit in the experience, so it was "good for me" *:-)

All Peace To Dark Nebula And Those Who Dwell Upon It

At dawn tomorrow, the first small crackle of energy toward positive change on Dark Nebula will begin to seep toward the workplace I inhabit. A team of neutral, third-party change facilitators will be working with all inhabitants of Dark Nebula in an all-day workshop, to begin the process of aligning toward the future with a minimum of collateral damage. I wish all participants well, and I wish for all the help I can get in participating openly and honestly, to ensure that my own future is constructed of what is best for me and for all.
Om Shanti Shanti Shanti

Dark Nebula Shelled, Suffers Mortar Attacks

I am looking madly for my flak jacket and my steel helmet as the management structure is hit by shells & mortars, and the structure of Dark Nebula continues to crumble. I am making the effort to continue to have fun through all of this, but I may be injured or killed by the warfare in progress. I am content to know that I have significant value to offer in the workplace, & if Dark Nebula falls to the forces of darkness (2 of whom were seen quickly exiting the back door at 6 pm last night) then I shall make my escape as possible, and find another planet to continue my work life on. I am actually getting bored with all this stuff, and my impulse is to just cut the cord and jump. However, I am modifying my personal desires to take into consideration my family and the worlds they live in also. I do not want to begin a series of mini-explosions related to the fall of Dark Nebula, and I will wait just a little longer *:-)

Going With The Flow

A dilemma was presented to me yesterday (Saturday), between two mutually exclusive choices:

1. Attend the "sprinkle" (they said it was going to be too small to be called a "shower") to celebrate the second near-full term pregnancy of our daughter-in-law, who is wife to our son who just had emergency surgery last Monday.

2. Continue the preparation work for the major workshop that my wife is hosting on the grounds of our home next weekend, which includes fire safety issues, heavy objects being moved about, and fairly major visual adjustments so that the attendees can focus on the workshop uninterrupted.

Because I used the Memorial Day holiday to support my son during the surgery process, I needed to spend yesterday installing support structures for the propane-fired burners that will be used, and continuing the moving of objects that need to be cleared out of the way for the workshop. So, I did not attend the sprinkle *:-)

There is so much work to do, and since I will be traveling next Saturday, I have requested a vacation day for tomorrow so that I have a chance to get as much done as I can. Have Fun *:-)

Dark Nebula, Drifting; No Hope For One Year

An emotional meeting today with two representatives from company HR, one of whom is a lawyer! The same basic message: "Many of you will die, deal with it. Oh, & by the way, we (HR) are here to screen the big biggies, who injected you with this disruption, from any feedback on what it is doing to all of you employees, and so no, you can't communicate with them and no, we won't be inviting them to any of the meetings". Boring, actually.

I have decided to prepare a new job description for myself, & submit it to my boss. At least then I can say I shared my vision, & who knows, perhaps I will get what I ask for *:-) I have been encouraged to assume there is a reasonable chance I will be kept, so what the hell, I may as well play along, since they are still paying me *:-)

My beautiful wife pulled out some of the clothes that our children wore when they were just wee ones, & seeing them pulled at my heartstrings. Tiny suit jackets, tiny hats, & the like. I don't know why they had that effect, but they did. We are looking at 3 new grandchildren over the next few months, & that will change our priorities. I am hoping to stay employed so we can provide this & that when needed.

Road Trip, Office Stress, Underarm Odor

A colleague & I were given the interesting task of driving a rented lift-gate truck half-way across the state to the location of the brand-new home that the Former Executive Director, recently indicted for embezzlement, had used to store equipment that belongs to the organization. He has lost the home to the bank & we needed to get the equipment out before the home was resold. The trip was through very beautiful country & went smoothly, & the realtor met us shortly after we arrived. I was actually hoping to see the indicted Former Executive Director to get a picture of how he was doing, but apparently he has fled into sanctity with relatives in a large city nearby, after turning himself in via the warrant for his arrest. We also heard on the day of the trip that a several hundred thousand dollar check for restitution of what he is accused of embezzling has been received by the organization.
For the rest of the day, after returning in mid-afternoon & giving the student assistants thrills by letting them ride up & down on the hydraulic lift gate *:-), there were many small but intense moments when flare-ups between employees threatened to spill over into outright conflict. This did not have to do with me specifically, but being in the environment I was impacted. The crisis level has finally reached the point, via a threatening email sent to four specific individuals in the organization (not me), that management has belatedly taken the action I recommended in early February and is holding a mandatory all-hands all-day workshop next week, using outside professional trainers, the same ones I recommended, to help overcome the dangerous stress levels.
Our son seems to be recovering very well from his emergency operation, & we are very grateful that he did not have to suffer the life-threatening consequences that would have happened if he did not have the surgery.

Peace

Om
Om Shanti, Shanti, Shanti
Om Shanti, Shanti, Shanti
Om Shanti, Shanti, Shanti
Om

Return Of The Prodigal Son

Our son is home from the hospital today, in the afternoon, so after my work finished I stopped by their home to check it out and see how things were going. My son was still in pain & fairly confined to a recliner in the living room, but it was really nice to see our granddaughter moving around the recliner keeping him entertained. Much better than the hospital setting, although that was actually pretty good too. I got to read the word & picture book that I got for my son to my granddaughter, and my son tells me she really likes the book I got, & it was fun reading together. My granddaughter often is very shy around me but after a couple minutes sitting on the sofa and reading, my daughter in law was able to get up off the sofa and leave our granddaughter alone with me without any freaking out. We read the whole book together, and she actually got a really nice big beaming smile when I would do certain animal sounds. She seems to really like animal sounds.

Tomorrow morning I am off early to get the truck in for the 60K mile service, which is a big one, so I am off to bed for now. We are greatful that our son is doing well *:-)

Ballooned & Taut Membrane, Gangrene, & Modern Medicine

Our son survived a close call today (Memorial Day) & we are grateful. A diseased condition, similar to appendicitis but infecting the gall bladder, & which is more prevalent in those of us with Native American and/or Scandinavian heritage, attacked our son suddenly late last night & his sister rushed him to the hospital at 4 a.m. today. We got a call about 8:30 a.m. telling us the hospital room number & a brief description of his condition, & that he would probably need to be operated on today. He was in a great deal of pain, & was worried. We reorganized our day and my wife & I (his mom & dad) were able to spend the entire day with him, which we believe helped out quite a bit. After more testing at the hospital, the surgeon said it was obvious that the surgery must happen immediately if he was to avoid life-threatening consequences.

Our son went into surgery about 4 p.m., came out about 6:15 p.m., spent about 45 minutes in the recovery room, then back up to the patient area so he could receive visitors and start his recovery more naturally. The photo that the surgeon showed us of the violent, swollen & gangrenous large nodule that was able to be removed was frightening in its obvious stage of near-explosion, & we offer our gratitude to our daughter for convincing her brother that he must go to hospital immediately, & then also driving him there so early in the morning.

Again, we are grateful *:-)

Granddaughter Injured In Fall, Bopa Has Questions

I just want to know one thing: Was the adult male who was part of the two-person team watching our granddaughter, drinking at the time the injury happened? I do men's counseling, and I have a little experience in observing behaviours that indicate chemical dependencies, & I need to find a careful, loving and gentle way to find out if there was beer or other alchoholic beverages being consumed by the adult male when the injury happened.

The good news: even though 7 stitches were required to repair the rip in our granddaughter's face as a result of the injury, we are told that no permanent scar will result. I hope that is true & that no further complications arise. Our best wishes go out to our granddaughter during her healing time.

Sincere & Helpful, & Begging For More

I survived my face to face meeting with the parent company's HR rep, and I believe the rep was sincere, listened, and tried hard to be honest & helpful, and I saw on the note paper that good notes were taken. What is amazing to me is that the rep insisted that it is a sincere request on the rep's part that I actively encourage other employees of Dark Nebula to make appointments with the rep, one on one, for as long a meeting as is necessary so that all that needs to be discussed can be, and so that whatever help can be offered also can be. I am confident that the rep was sincere because I also got an email saying the same thing, which means it is in writing.
Here are the questions that I asked, and here are the answers provided:
Q1. If offered a choice, which is best, a furlough or a layoff?
A1. Furlough. HR must by policy handle all furloughs and layoffs, and the local management cannot do it. I was informed that there definitely WILL be layoffs. HR would like to give all of us a layoff notice right now so that we could take advantage of the preferential rehire opportunities, but HR cannot do anything until current management defines the organization and writes the new job descriptions.

Q2. Can I count my years of military service as seniority in any way?
A2. No

Q3. What rights of transfer do I have?
A3. Any transfer would have to be at the identical grade that I am now. A conversation, informal, between me and whatever group I wanted to transfer to would need to happen at my intitiative. Both units would then need to approve the transfer, and in addition, the position must NOT have gone to HR for open recruitment.

Q4. What rights of demotion do I have?
A4. This is possible. I initiate a request, and then both departments must agree.

Q5. What rights of bumping do I have?
A5. Seniority only, and only within the current budgetary unit, and only within the same title code.

Q6. Can I get a final performance appraisal even if it isn't appraisal time?
A6. Yes, but...as it turns out, my budgetary unit has not yet chosen the appraisal form they are going to use, and so therefore I can't get one right now. It would be best to wait until June 30th so that the entire working year would be appraised. (I spoke to my boss after I got back to the office and he will try to speed up the form approval)

Q7. Will any headcount reduction description besides "layoff" be used and will any other rules apply?
A7. No, it is going to be a LAYOFF.

Q8. How is seniority calculated?
A8. Strictly by total hours WORKED over the life of the employment record. The computer totals up total hours worked from all the time cards, and that is my seniority.

Q9. What is the practice for re-employing laid off workers?
A9. There is "right to recall". There is "preferential rehire". There is "severance pay", but if severance is chosen, then all other rights are given up.

Q10. How long is the re-employment eligibility list kept active?
A10. Although it depends on seniority, the separation letter will contain every detail that needs to be known, including how long the list will be active.

Q11. If a lawyer wanted to know what the company's Involuntary Separation Plan is, how would they get it?
A11. All policies are published on the web.

Q12. If the organization as a department gets "disappeared", how does that change my entitlements?
A12. Not at all.

Some Trepidation, But Mostly Acceptance

In one hour, I will be face to face with a company human resources professional that I will be asking to help me configure a successful and easy path out of Dark Nebula to my next work experience. I have not been told I will be let go, but there are several happenings and behaviors that are informing my intuition that I am to take steps to protect my status as an employed human being:
1. The state legislature has cancelled funding for the organization I am employed by.
2. Layoffs have begun, but are being kept secret (good luck with that one).
3. Core asset reallocation planning has begun.
4. Leasing agents are bringing clients through the physical work space during the work day.
5. Management is tight-lipped, stressed, and will not communicate organizational basics.
6. Parent company departments confidentially share that "your company's planning is a mess, and nobody knows what is going to happen".
7. Parent company staff are closed and uncaring about the value our company staff could offer to the change planning process.
8. The new company mission statement sounds flimsy, meaningless, & uninspiring.
9. The infrastructure is in need of repair, but time and money are not allocated.
10. Rumor has it that the complete demise of the company is planned for September, 2008.

Oh well...onward *:-)

Steep Slopes, Fence Posts, Travelers, & Magicians

I took today as a vacation day to help get our property ready for my wife's invitational spinning & dyeing workshop that will be happening in a few weeks at our place. We live in the mountains & our property is still pretty natural, so after every spring growth there is a huge amount of work to do. Also, last year we had several very large trees taken out, & they had been sort of a bulwark against a paved road that gets substantial amounts of traffic going to & coming from work, so we were feeling a little bit exposed. The slope is pretty steep where the trees were, resulting in the effort I needed to expend today to get fence posts in place was hard on my knees, ankles & feet. Epsom salts are now improving the situation *:-) Tomorrow I will be able to finish the fence facing, & it won't be on the slope side, so it can be much easier. I ended up getting teased a bit this morning because I logged on to email for about an hour & the IT manager kept sending me emails to "say v-a-c-a-t-i-o-n, click your heels 3 times, & get out into the yard!". Well, I had to admit to her that the reason I wasn't working outside yet was because I didn't have any socks to wear *:-) I had to wash and dry some which it took a little bit of time.

Very nice DVD that our son & daughter in law recommended to us, which told stories of travelers & magicians, and we really liked it. Thank you *:-)

17-Month Old Granddaughter Finds Lost Mobile Phone, Calls Home!

Just kidding *:-) My wife lost her mobile phone today, and after thinking and worrying about it for a while, figured that she dropped it either inside our granddaughter's home, where she was watching her, or just outside the front door in the front yard area. After my wife got home where she could get to a phone, she called me and asked me to stop by our granddaughter's home after work and see if the lost mobile was there. I did stop by, and I was just about to call the lost mobile phone's number to see if I could hear the ring, when my granddaughter, being held by her very pregnant mom, got my attention and let me know that they had already found the lost mobile and I didn't need to call it. I got to goof around with my granddaughter for a while, and she remember my nick-name, which is easy for a 17-month old to say, so that was cool. She would not give me a hug however, and shook her head "no" when her mom asked her if she would give a hug *:-) No worries, I got to kiss her cheekies a bunch, and we had fun chatting about the embroidered dragons on the shirt I was wearing, which her mom said she recognized because they have a dragon statue inside the house. All in all, a worthwhile side trip for me on my way home *:-)

Dark Nebula Becoming Faint To The Eye

The search for a new leader for Dark Nebula is in full swing, and several humans are imagining themselves in the position of Director (the Big Biggies reduced the leadership title from Executive Director to Director). Some of us are using the new IM client, which has conversation recording turned off, to share our choices on whom we would or would not be comfortable with in the position of Director, assuming the choice comes from those candidates that we know about. The Super Big Biggies may just stick one of their own cronies in the slot, and that will be that, without any consideration for our preferences or for the mission of the organization.

I was able to help someone today, and at the same time, helped myself. I prepared a tutorial to help a person applying for the Director position, and it was well received. At the same time, I was able to update my tutorial, which will help keep it current.

Best of all, my wife and I were able to get together for lunch downtown today, which is a very rare occurrence. It was very pleasant, and some colleagues from my previous place of employment, both of whom I like, happened to be there and so we had a very brief catch up and "hello". Very pleasant *:-)

Dark Nebula's Spirit Begins To Leave Its Body

I have been crusading to get the IM client installed on everybody's machines, and to have the management encourage use, so that some sort of emotional intelligence can be brought into being here, so that when the body dies, some remnant of purpose can be preserved. Today, the IT manager really got behind the installation of the client for those who have been avoiding it, and it has been a lively afternoon with newbies trying it out. "This is fun!" said one newby, and that is half the purpose *:-) Our IT manager agreed to turn off the recording function of the conversations, so we can be funky in our speech and can push some boundaries so that the emotion can come through. Very cool. Great first step to healing, and of course we had to do it from the bottom up, not the other way around. Who cares if the body dies now, as long as the laughter reverberates through the corpse *:-) Have Fun *:-)

Dark Nebula Death Watch: Week 19

Art follows life, or Life follows art...who knows, who cares, & it is amazing to my wife and I that as the death spiral at my workplace deepens, it seems that the dvd selections we get online or from the local dvd outlet parallel what is happening in my workplace very closely, vignetting scenes & experiences taken directly from the daily headquarters lifelog where my cube sits quietly, sinking slowly.

It appears that the actual moment of death will be almost imperceptible, since the attendants are ignoring most of the corpus, so we may not perceive a specific moment when life leaves the organization, but it will leave. At that point, I believe the attendants will prop up the corpus, drill a hole in the skull, attempting to pour new life directly into the dead body. That won't work of course; then will follow the finger pointing and siloed isolation stages, & I don't know if I will survive that, but I do want to keep working for another 8 years, so...more will be revealed.

Difficult Starting, Nice Ending

My wife generally suffers from depression on Mother's Day, because she believes our children do not behave in the way she feels they should in honoring her. The children, imho, are very normal, & do love her, but my wife has conditions for receiving her children's love that the kids either don't know about, don't understand the need for, or just don't want to change their lives to meet her expectations. However, our youngest son overcame all of that & came to our home fairly early in the day & spent well over an hour just chatting with us & truly spending "quality" time. He has a family of his own, & does not live in the same county we do, but he made what I believe was a wonderful effort to make his mom's day special. Thank you son *:-) The other kids checked in too, & while my wife & I were away from the home for awhile, our daughter came by & left a gift, so that was cool too. Later in the day, a couple very nice, & quite lengthy, phone conversations took place with both the kids who did not get to see their mom in person. I felt it was about as good as it could be, & I am greatful. Happy Mother's Day *:-)

Wonderful Day With Wife; GPS Worked Under The Redwoods

Got home late yesterday afternoon from a 3 day business trip, & although tired, I finished the work day (just an hour or so) as a telecommuter from home & then was able to enjoy time with my wife in the evening. Today (Saturday) was a really nice day & we got to be together all day which was very nice. I had not been able to get the new GPS device that I carry around to find satellites so I could record us walking through the redwoods, & so today I started the gps long before we got to the walking spot, & since it had already found the satellites, I had no trouble uploading a nice record of our walk today, & then with google earth I was able to really get a good scenic birdeye view of where we were & how we walked the paths. Very cool *:-)

Trance Master...I'm On My Way...

Trance is knockin' me out...I use it to provide a base pace for the repetition of a sound that is very healing for me, and it is workin' me over *:-)
I even checked out DDR equipment to see if I could get my body rockin' the same way my brain is, but they are too expensive for me and I am not sure if there is a DDR unit that has Merengue music on the playlist. I'll stay open to it, because I don't want to join a dance class or club.

Hard times everywhere right now, which of course has always been the reality, but we and our children are moving into some heavier earthly duties that make it harder to stay free. We'll keep tryin'.

Happy Times

Good to see everyone in my office group today after having been out of the office for several days. Good staff meeting, then a very nice Mexican light lunch downtown, and then back to the office. Good support from the student assistants, so my load was lightened through their help, and I have almost completed the printing for the materials I need to take with me when I go on the road again.

Recycle City, Temperature Rising, Strawberry Shortcake

Today was take all recyclables to the county transfer facility day for me. Quite a bit of work, actually. Our pickup was very full, and the 3 containers with the glass in them were quite heavy, and I got my leg press and shoulder raise workout done when I had to load them into the truck, then unload them again at the transfer facility. We are very fortunate to even be allowed to use the local transfer facility, because only very local residents who can prove their address each time they go there are now allowed to use it. It is one of the nicest and most high-tech transfer facilities in the county, and many folks who live outside the area were using it before they clamped down due to excessive waste processing costs. Locals Only! We are grateful *:-)

Mid-80's temperature today, and of course that made the work I had to do to get the recyclable materials to the transfer facility very hot work, which enervated me. I went to a chain coffee shop and got an orange juice and chocolate brownie to help get me through *:-)

The biggest treat of all for me in a very long time however was when my beautiful wife gave me a bowl of her homemade strawberry shortcake as we sat down to watch a movie this evening. Perfect taste and texture, and I really appreciate it because it has been many years since I have had strawberry shortcake, and this was excellent and I loved it.

Playing In The Dirt

Excellent. I got to dig, rake, move stones, hack blackberry brambles, pile old rotten wood, plant, tamp, water, & stand back and enjoy the results of placing several new plantings just where & how my beautiful wife wants them *:-) I like this sort of work. Very therapeutic, just as English gardeners have known for hundreds of years. I'm a bit stiff, but the single aspirin I took, combined with the single glass of wine should handle it *:-) I promised the new plantings that we would love them, & they seem to be taking to their new home quite well.

I also ate properly today, which means very little. I don't know why I eat too much on most days. I feel so-o-o-o much better when I eat less than my brain tells me I need to. I shall look into that.

Home Office In The Rain & Cold

I had hoped to snag more time than I was able to today to work on our yard. I work from my home office on Fridays & between the time I get for lunch & some break time, I can usually get in some work if I am efficient about it, without negatively impacting my productivity. Today however the weather did not coincide with my schedule & so I could get only limited work done due to the wind, cold & rain. Tomorrow may be better.

I have some pain & stiffness in my hands that I don't understand, & I am working with more calcium & a little red wine [*:-)] to loosen them up. I know that I am under quite a bit of job stress right now & that may be contributing to the "uptightness" that I feel in my hands.

Onward.

Home Base On A Rainy Day

I am living with, and loving, a genius. It has been officially proclaimed on the web that my wife, a fiber artist and exceptional teacher of sewing, is a genius.
I have known this. I have said this. Now it has become publicly acknowledged via a post from a famous author in the author's blog, which is read by thousands, if not millions.
My wife is the sewing teacher of the author, and so the statement is validated by years of experience between the two.
Yea! *:-)
Congratulations, sweetie *:-)

Collateral Damage At Dark Nebula

There is a person employed here who has systematically targeted all strong leaders and claimed to the Human Resources department that the strong leaders are all "against" her. In this day and age of HR departments frozen in fear of any controversy, she has had a fairly easy time of trying to walk all over others in order to try to raise herself up over us (yes, I was one of the first strong leaders that she attacked, but she did not win). She attacks without regard for position or for the impact it might have on the organization or the overall mission, and only cares about her own mission. She needs to leave and test herself elsewhere, such as in the private sector where her competitiveness and selfishness will be met with equanimity on the part of other competitors who are the same way she is. We are not enemies, just vulnerable colleagues, and it is sad, imho, that she needs to hurt us to make herself feel better. Onward.

Dark Nebula Devolution - Brain Trance, Brain Rave, Brain Survive

The audio energy I am now using to get through my time in the office during the devolution is all trance stuff. Stuff like N-Trance "Stayin' Alive" & Nukleuz "Walk Away" & Instrumental Trance "Sandstorm". What an emotional war zone! Moments of intense love, then moments of intense hate, then moments of intense silence. Today I asked my boss to add "rails" guidance behavior to his management style, & after he understood what I was talking about, has agreed to do it. I have a good boss, but nobody in this organization has ever received real management training about what to do during devolution, which I have had, so I am helping where & when I can. I shall continue to watch my step and avoid land-mines, but there is no guarantee that an IED or well aimed spear won't injure or destroy my existence here.

AIED Sneak Attack

I was blind sided by the Acting Interim Executive Director (AIED) during my last hour of work today. I am hourly, and must work until 6 p.m. each night, so I can't just walk out the door when I feel like it without losing money. Anyway, everyone else had gone home and I was taping some network cable to the floor so nobody would trip over it, and I looked up and the AIED was standing there and so I said hello. She wanted to know how the big 5 month long project I am leading is going, and the problem with that is that she should be getting those updates from my boss. I responded that I had been keeping my boss informed and that I hoped he was telling her how things are going, and then I said that all information so far is very positive and that I believe things are going well. She made a "Well good for you" remark, and then left the area. That didn't help me. Part of the reason I don't like senior management communicating directly with lower level employees like me is that we don't speak the same language, and mis-interpretation is very easy to occur. Also, since she is the one (heaven help us) who is actually making the list of who gets laid off and who doesn't, I believe it is inappropriate for her to talk directly to someone like me about my job performance without my boss in attendance. I have enough experience to fully understand what this sort of communication is really all about, and I don't like it. I would prefer that senior management STFU and if they want to know specifics then go to my boss and get them where they will have been placed in appropriate context. End of rant *:-)

On, and On, and On, Dark Nebula Slowly Twists In The Wind

Back in the office after several days out, and it is not better, it is worse. Another promise to the full staff during a live meeting that a full disclosure of the "reorganization" will be made at the end of the month. When an HR representative who was present questioned the Acting Interim Executive Director who made the statement what month she was talking about, the Acting Interim Executive Director quickly said "Oh, yes, I didn't mean this month, I meant next month"...on & on it goes. I can see the vital energy of the organization withering on the vine before my eyes, and I can also see the tendency for siloing increasing, which I admit I am tending toward also. Excellent practice for letting go *:-)

A few minutes ago however, I did get my pay envelope, so all is not lost *:-)

Desperate Neo-Marketing Guy Rampages At Dark Nebula

When the dog's away, the fox will play. Our IT Manager was on holiday for over a week, I was out of town, and the CTO was also occupied otherwise, which allowed the pseudo-Marketing Director to get direct access to a couple of our soft-spined IT guys, who let him talk them into creating several email aliases without planning or approval. Oh well, the clients were confused anyway, so maybe they won't notice the proliferation of meaningless email addresses.

Very hard times at Dark Nebula at the moment, with no leadership, no plan, no communication, & a gradual releasing of clients due to the confusion. I only know that because I am a lower level employee, supposedly I will be given "preferential hiring" guarantees if & when the layoff comes. Great for morale, not. Que sera, sera (did I spell that right?)

I'd like to begin singing in earnest, but don't really know how to go about getting started, don't know what my voice is, don't have much time, and definitely don't have much money. Maybe it will happen anyway.

I have been fortunate so far in all my travels and all my training deliveries in remote places, and I am grateful for both those things.

Back into the office millieu tomorrow, and we shall see what we shall see. I hope my boss is going to be there. Onward.

Most Excellent Day

Wow. I had forgotten what a blessing & generally good experience it is to be at home & able to work on our home. I had all the day, until late evening, to do physical work to improve the security & appearance of our home, & I was very successful, & enjoyed doing the work, & feel good about the results *:-)

I leave tomorrow on a business trip, and so I will spend the time I have here at home in getting everything ready, so in reality my mind is already on the trip. I will be home on Tuesday afternoon. Have Fun *:-)

"New Post?" Yes. Several, Actually...

I was able to use my lunch time and after work time today to get new fencing put up to replace the fencing knocked down by the 85 foot extension crane that was here a couple months ago to take out some of our older, larger, unsafe trees (BIG ones). When they were putting the crane away, actually, "folding it up", they accidentally swiped our fence and the wooden fence could not withstand the force of the big wrecking ball that hit it, and so came tumbling down. The busted fence has just been leaning up in place since then, but on Wednesday morning, as I tried to drive down the driveway to get going to work, I was blocked because the fence had fallen over again. I struggled with it (in my work clothes) and finally got it propped up again, but I knew it would just be a matter of time before it came down again and perhaps I would not be around to help move it, which could cause problems for my wife. We now have a bright, shiny, new fence that is quite acceptable in quality and in appearance for the neighborhood we live in.

On Thursday evening, on my way home from work, I got to snag some time with our 17 month old granddaughter, which is a rare and wonderful experience for me. I was acting as a messenger boy to pick up something from our granddaughter's home, to take to my wife. My daughter in law answered the door, and although I could not see my granddaughter right away, my daughter in law pointed to the rocking chair and said she was behind it *:-) Smart kid, to hide from me *:-) I paid no attention to her trying to hide and went right over and picked her up and took her to her mom, but of course she was not happy about me picking her up and so was crying. No big deal, and I pretty much ignored it, and we ended up having a pretty good time for the short period I was there. She got lots of kisses from me and we exchanged eye contact several times, so it was a fun time for me. She is pretty neat *:-)

My nightly Epsom Salts foot soak is beginning to become a habit, and it is helping. I don't know why I get pain in my heels these days, no matter what shoes I wear. My wife just mentioned this evening that as we get older the fatty tissue in our feet goes away, so maybe that has something to do with it. I will try thicker socks too, and see what happens.

I am happy about the fence, and my wife tells me that it makes her feel quite a bit more secure, so it was very well worth it.

Death Watch Continued

First day back in the HQ office for a while, and a friend/colleague tells me that he now feels as though we are working in an all-volunteer organization. Nobody seems to be at work, and when they are at work, they aren't working *:-) Dangerous times. I shall focus on the hardware I am responsible for, and in keeping emails current, etc. I also am interested in Sakai, and am going to see if any online tutorials are available. Onward *:-)

It Is Done. The Worst Of Times, The Best Of Times.

The training I delivered today was for and to the most local group of faculty that I am asked to train, and hence the session could have been very difficult, since "a poet is rarely respected in his own land". Also, I was concerned because many of those in the session are ex-employees of Dark Nebula and could have verbalized difficult questions for me to answer. My strategy was to go to the training site a day early to make sure the set-up was configured, and at the same time make a point of chatting with the ex-employees, so I could get all the discussions and dirt-digging out of the way. It worked. The ex-employees actually ended up being very good students and were complementary toward my efforts in the session. Also, the IT student assistant they assigned to me was the most helpful SA I have ever worked with. He even taught me where to park my car to avoid the $25 tickets that are vigorously handed out by the local cops, and he even gave me $1.25 in quarters to get the meter started in the all day parking area he sent me to. Unbelievably enough, he also worked harder than I did, which is rare.

Because this training is done, I feel both a large sense of relief, and a large feeling of exhaustion. I did not realize I was so worried about it. When I got home, and took the aspirin I had forgotten to take with me but which I needed much, and got my feet into the epsom salts bath, while sitting next to my wife in the computer area of our home, I crashed into a deep sleep and was snoring so loudly that I woke myself up *:-)

I am glad to be home and will not be on the road again until this Sunday.

Death Watch At Dark Nebula

Returning from my assignments at remote outposts and entering the HQ building, I am struck dumb by the level of depression and distance that pervades the office space. Those unable to do anything different are choosing to remain depressed as they contemplate the cloud of uncertainty that hangs heavy over us. The Directors remain in their offices, staring intently at their computer screens, and are beginning to move like automatons, not animated in a human way, but as though in shock. The good news: my expense check actually cleared *:-) So, all is not lost.

I have been listening to XM channel 82 recently and today when I drove into the HQ parking lot two of the Directors must have been in the parking lot because on my way into the building they joked with me about the type of music and the volume level (high). I told them I was doing research on the student populations that I prepare trainings for *:-)

I have promised myself that I will use the new expense report form that is posted online, so I am off to search it out and begin filling in the info for the most recent travel.

Phoooooo....

A jammin' week just finished. Last couple days with my wife were very nice too. Tonna travel last week, then local travel this week, then on the road again next week. Gotta get new tires sometime soon, but t-mater is running really good and helps me a lot. New GPS tracking device is absolutely fab, and I am still learning Google Earth, which seems fab too. I love this stuff *:-) Lotsa fun finding out what my travels look like from space & stuff. I like seeing all the twisty turny roads, and seeing where I stopped to take a whizz under a bridge, n stuff like that *:-) XM Radio channel 82 is now my fave, and I am pickin' up on lotsa new stuff. I like it *:-) Can you believe I didn't even know that the "trance & dance" stuff I have been listening too is the core sound for raves, which I have never been too. Probably good I don't go, 'cause I might never come back *:-)

Good Trainings, Good People...Now To Go Home

I am greatful that I can travel home tomorrow. Missions accomplished. I will be happy to be with my wife again. She had a very cool time with our granddaughter and got to go shopping with her for the very first time. We love our granddaughter and are looking forward to the birth of our grandson in June, and then another little one from our other son and his wife soon after. "May God bless us all" - from an album of spiritual music. Have Fun *:-)

Run!...Run Away!...As Fast As You Can!

Officius Horribilus was loose in the workplace today and the only way to survive was to run as fast and as far away as possible. What a mess! Just a sample: Our staff is depressed; very depressed. We don't have a plan. We don't have management. We keep stepping on our extremities when we try to move forward. People are giving up and accepting that they are probably going to be laid off. So what does the Acting Interim Executive Director do today? Without telling anyone, she loaned our biggest and newest conference room to the HR department for their lunchtime party and meeting! Can you imagine how depressing it is to come out of a departmental staff meeting where for 2 hours only bad news has been discussed, and then to see merry-makers, with excellent food, good conversation, and obvious conviviality overflowing "our" conference room? It is very depressing, in case you did not guess. What a jerk the Acting Interim Executive Director is.

Enough of that. I am on the road for 4 days starting tomorrow.

Dark Nebula Grasps At Straws, Mouths Wide Open

Heh. Eleven director level managers in a conference room continuously from 10 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. I know only a very few CEO types who have the power and capability to keep a meeting going in a productive manner for that length of time, and there certainly was not anybody like that in the meeting. It became quieter and quieter, and at one point the Acting Interim Executive Director came out and asked me to move the electric stapler that I was using because the repetitive sound of the stapler was really bothering the people in the conference room and they couldn't concentrate *:-0

For a very brief moment, about one half hour, the energy level raised to the point of actual being conscious, because the Big Biggie called in on the speaker phone and was offering his "input" to the process that the directors were going through. I didn't see a lot of enlightened faces when they finally came out of the room, so I suspect the Big Biggies "input" was just more of the incompetent gesturing that he has been doing since his original plan fell on its face.

Sadly, staff are beginning to assume that they will be laid off, and are openly talking about it, which of course will cause the morale to spiral further down. Can't be helped. We are where we are.

I travel Wednesday, Thursday, Friday & Saturday this week, then again Monday & Tuesday of the following week, so it will be a bit tough for my wife and I. We shall do our best *:-)

12 Hours Straight...And The Mistakes Begin...

Since 9:45 this morning I have worked straight through. It is now just a bit after 9:45 p.m. A distant colleague just mentioned via email that I am beginning to make mistakes, such as calling Friday Thursday, so I must stop now.

Good news from my son's family, because only he became ill for a few days, and our granddaughter and daughter in law did not get sick. Yea!

A friend who lives across the country called our home phone (which is rare, since we both use Skype and Googletalk), and left a message about how he and his new wife are selling their house and getting ready to buy a new one. A bit mysterious, that. I will check in with him shortly and get more info, because he sounded a little nervous.

I must enter Dark Nebula tomorrow morning, so I shall rest now.

Lovely Fire In The Fireplace On A Lovely Rainy Day

A very pleasant gentle rain nearly all day today, and up here in the mountains it is a wonderful experience to be gently serenaded by the rain drops colliding with the various surfaces producing many sounds to sooth the soul. During a very brief respite, I did some essentials shopping while my wife had a fellow artist in the home, and they had a fun time with their creative energies. I ate a little too much peppermint sweet stuff while in the grocery store, so I was a bit flushed and hot once I got back in the home. I want to cut down on that stuff.

My wife suggested that it would be good to have a fire this evening, and it has been very nice to be toasty while the rain and cold surround us. I love wood fires *:-)

Dark Nebula Adrift

Due to the abrupt and unexplained shut down of all communication about the future of Dark Nebula, and the refusal of the Super Big Biggies and the Big Biggies to tell local management even the slightest bit of information about the organization changes that must happen, all staff are turning inward, are listless, are becoming hopeless, and are losing faith that Dark Nebula will be a place to work successfully in the future. Too bad. And sad. And too much for me to handle. So, I shall work hard to complete my assigned tasks, and search for appropriate motivations from higher powers than those that pretend to the throne of leadership.

We hear that our son and his family have become ill, and this is making their life more difficult, but we don't know what we can do. We wish them a safe and speedy recovery.

I am confident that I will get the guidance I need tomorrow so that I can focus on the tasks that are most appropriate for me to be working on.

Good fortune and excellent fun today using a new GPS gadget that is used to track the personal walks & runs that I do. Very good device so far, this Garmin Forerunner 205. More to come.

Dark Nebula S l o w l y Begins Retrograde

After yesterday's disastrous and embarrassing sudden halt to what had been trumpeted as a "Great New Beginning" , a highly placed inside source quietly informed me today that it would be a good idea for me not to get rid of any of the program or project materials from the current period and the last year, because rumor has it that Dark Nebula will be slowly returning to its previous mission before the incompetent Big Biggie was given the opportunity to redirect the organization, which he failed to do effectively.

No one knows for sure, and no one knows what mistakes will be made in the intervening period, but something seems to have changed. I will stay tuned.

Incompetence Looms Large, Upclose & Personal

Dark Nebula was scheduled to make many public announcements today at 10 a.m. sharp; fully public, web, print, email blast, phone, personal messages. All the announcements were constructed carefully over the last four months by a small team of local Directors with the leadership, oversight, and heavy-handed management of a Big Biggie from the parent company that owns the company I work for. The announcements said that an Exciting New Direction had been mapped out for the company I work for, which would be fully implemented by fall 2008 and would begin immediately, through contract termination for a certain class of employee (about 50 people) who worked as contractors. Many of our local employees came in to work very early today to help prepare to disburse the announcements, and all of us, me included, made changes to our public information just before 10 a.m. so that we would all be in alignment with the planned announcements. Our web guy had been working very hard to meet the deadline, and had just gotten a completely new and re-configured site ready to cut over at 10 a.m. sharp.

Through the arrogant and incompetent methods used by the Big Biggie over the last 4 months, insufficient approvals above his level had been obtained, because his ego structure is such that he believed his strategic plan and his crafted announcements would be a slam dunk and all he had to do was run them by his superiors at the last minute and they would just sign off. Wrong. At 9:45 this morning, the Super Big Biggies over the Big Biggie said that his plan and statements were disastrous, and would result in legislative action against the parent company, so all activity around the planned announcements was to immediately halt. At the earliest, some sort of announcement may be made sometime next week. On top of that, a brief and tersely worded message told the local management that they needed to reword all the announcement documentation to show a position 180 degrees out from what had been planned to be stated. Incompetence, personified. Getting more than a bit boring, this incompetence. I think I will have a bite of chocolate to get through the depressing moment *:-)

Dark Nebula Inmates Hungry, Confused, Angry & Beginning To Turn On One Another

First day back inside Dark Nebula today after two weeks traveling in other parts of the galaxy. I did ok, but the hunger among the inmates is reaching levels that are becoming difficult to deal with. I was probed by everyone sooner or later, and it was a long, somewhat intense, and somewhat bitter-sweet day, because I also was able to open up to true colleagues, which was good. The havoc wreaked by last week's managerial insistence on lying to clients had subsided, but was still being discussed in quiet corners of the main building. Sad, but resigned faces did the discussing. Nothing too loud, of course. Whenever a group of us would gather to have a brief exchange, those who feel left out of the info stream would show up on the fringe of the group, including Directors. BTW, I found out late today that all Directors have been forced to give up their titles as of June 1st, and will be thrown into the pile of "staff" along with the rest of us, although they may be given the temporary title of Manager for a while.

Our departmental staff meeting happened as planned today, and I was a major contributor, and later in the day my boss (a truly good manager) thanked me for my input. All members of my team said they missed me and are glad I am back *:-)

Trepidation Entering Dark Nebula

My travels have kept me away from the diseased atmosphere inside Dark Nebula, where the decaying body of the Former Executive Director still has to be put to rest, and where the slowly dying bodies of the remaining staff have yet to reach the end of their journey to death. None of us know which has the terminal disease and which are merely temporarily sickened. Just the thought of entering Dark Nebula makes my stomach queasy and I am preparing to be stoic, and yet flexible, so that if it turns out that something good is offered to me, that I can truly accept it with enthusiasm. Otherwise I will keep my head down and concentrate on the very real work that I have ahead of me. Still, the queasiness is also real. Have fun *:-)

Invisible Tomorrow, But Still Here *:-)

I shall be invisible to my colleagues tomorrow because I need to be in my home office but will be taking a sick day because the environment at work is making me sick. I will go in on Tuesday when my boss, a very fine fellow, is in the office.

See, it is possible to be invisible *:-)

Dark Nebula Enforcing A Policy Of Lying To Customers

I returned safely from my business trip to the southern most extent of the galaxy, in the heavy pollution and heat, and am back in the headquarters area catching up on emails. One of the first to catch my eye was one where one of the student assistants complained of abuse received from management because the student assistant refused to "withhold the full truth" from customers, who are being asked to commit to purchase products that the company already knows will never be delivered. Good for the student, who is a least learning to tell the truth and maintain a position of integrity as a result of the college education her parents are paying for. As I predicted, the desperation being felt by the Directors at their coming demise is causing imprudent behavior.

Also, in a listing of meeting minutes from a staff meeting held today (I was on the road and did not attend), I notice two items that seem to me to be fully contradictory:
1. The statement is made by the Interim Acting Executive Director that no organization chart is available for the reorganized company, and it won't be available for some time, which means nobody knows who is being kept and who isn't.
2. Plans have been approved to have a full day off-site "team building" exercise consisting of a cookout.
Guess what? There is no way I will be participating in a team building cookout because I don't even know if I will be invited to remain with the company. This lack of professionalism disappoints me.

I have now made the decision to begin applying for jobs elsewhere. I believe the company will not survive in a form that I can participate with. Perhaps I am wrong, but I will feel more comfortable taking action.

May the force be with us *:-)

Dark Nebula Crumbles Upon Itself

Although silence & depression continue to be broadcast from the Dark Nebula HQ, the only broadcast I can get out here on the edge of the galaxy, one document was leaked that described the vision of the invaders: DISRUPTION. That is the key word in their proclamation, and some of the former Dark Nebula leaders have already disappeared underground to plot their escape. The invaders have not posted an occupying army as yet, but it is coming soon, IMHO. Some of the inhabitants of Dark Nebula, those who continuously wear rose colored (or dope colored) glasses, continue to send plaintive missives to the invaders asking for consideration and for a more "positive" vision for the inhabitants of Dark Nebula. Sound like a movie script? I would not be surprised of the invaders were following a script copied from a movie, because their actions seem devoid of any human emotional content, which makes me suspect that droids may have been assigned to DISRUPT Dark Nebula. The droids are not especially intelligent, but they don't need to be since they have been given all the power by the previous Dark Nebula leaders.

It is very hot here on the edge of the galaxy, and I am busy plotting my own escape back to the region of the Dark Nebula HQ, where my vibascope will be more accurate.

I am happy because tomorrow my wife gets to hang with our granddaughter, which is always a good thing *:-)

Wish me luck on my sometimes perilous journey from the edge of the galaxy to the home territory.

Dark Nebula Silent, Dark, Foreboding

Nothing. No News. No Email. No IM. No phone calls. Just Silence. All IM icons just sit there on "idle". The world was predicted to change today, at least a little. Can a world change without me noticing? I guess it can if I am far enough away. I am in South Galaxy, and only one other member of our ship's company is anywhere near me. Perhaps tomorrow some news will come.

Hot here. Wears me out. I know how to survive in the desert though, so no worries as long as the water holds out. IMHO throughout the entire galaxy water shall soon become the most important, and therefore valuable, commodity.

One more day in the desert, then on the following morning, I can try to escape. Wish me luck.

On The Road Again...I'm On The Road Again...

Warp speed to the southern most tip of our galaxy tomorrow morning, or at least as close to warp as my Toyota pick-up will go *:-) Fully loaded with digital learning devices, and tools to mine for digital gold. Best to keep busy in these confusing times, I believe. Dark Nebula will be in a state of frozen time until 10 a.m. Tuesday, and then some sort of thaw will begin, but we don't know how painful it will be yet.

My wife and I have been seeing some very good movies lately, and are grateful for that. Maybe the industry is being successfully infiltrated by the independents because they make money for everybody.

We wish our granddaughter a very good week *:-) Also fulfilling is the new knowledge that our youngest son and his wife are expecting a child later this year too, which along with the second child now gestating in our daughter-in-law (wife of our oldest son), means that a week ago when the whole family was here to celebrate a birthday, that 3 grandchildren were in the house! How cool is that? *:-)

May The Force Be With Us...Dark Nebula Faces Its Future

I will be on a remote star at the southern border line of our galaxy on Tuesday when the Evil Empire strikes at our headquarters in the northern part of the galaxy. None of us know what weapons they bring, nor what their intent is. None of the attackers are members of the Guild of Educator Knights however, so right away there is the very high risk that we shall be executed on the guillotine of "business value added". The battle is set to begin at 10 a.m., and to last at least until noon. I must remain at the southern most tip of our galaxy until late Thursday evening, and I don't know if I shall return to only smoking ruins, or if by some grace of the force we shall be preserved. May the force be with us.

IRS Day...Doin' The Tax Boogie...

All day on taxes today. Grouchy. Irritable. Oh well *:-)

Home Again Home Again Jiggity Jig

Finally home after 5 days on the road. Eyes hurt, headache, but got very good results and was able to drive safely and not hurt my back moving all the heavy equipment. The company I work for is going through hard times right now and during a discussion today via mobile phone with my boss he gave me a heart felt accolade for keeping my end of the game in play and for doing the best I can. I have a good boss, which is very helpful.

Tomorrow is "get the income taxes done or else" day.

Watched a good movie with my wife tonight, which even had a cute dog in it, which my wife loves *:-)

Nighty night.

Dark Nebula Cornered, Makes Decision

With time running out until the document that outlines the "final solution" for what previously was a service organization delivering preparatory learning to underserved populations, & with me delivering a public workshop on Monday, a decision had to be forced on what the proper words to say are on Monday regarding an offering that might or might not have been made available with the "final solution". My boss had to raise a ruckus, in tandem with an influential colleague, to force the unindicted co-conspirator, now the Interim Acting Executive Director to finally say, yes, you are right, we aren't going to be offering it. My boss required that the IAED notify the Big Biggies of a parallel organization of that fact. This was a big deal today, & consumed quite a bit of management energy. Now I know what to put on the PowerPoint slides *:-)

Dark Nubula Bosses A Mixed Bag Of Limp & Perky

The dumber the boss, the more perky they are, seemingly oblivious to the unavoidable permutations of what the Super Big Biggies have in mind. Oh well, I'm tired of talking about it. Let it be.

I shall be traveling North, then South next week, and then Way South the week after that, right onto the International border of the USA. Last time I was through there lots of machine gun toting Border Patrol were moving around, setting up camps, and also stopping and searching all traffic in some cases. I am not well enough informed to know if that is necessary or not, so no comment.

I am getting a chance to play a 49er Gold Rush era prospector next week, in front of some tough audiences. I got some perfect boots today, and my wife is helping a lot by getting other stuff together, and I believe it will look good. I had planned to play an Arabic Algebra scholar, but a white guy in a turban and full Arab style dress probably isn't a very good idea given the cultural populations in some of the areas I travel in. We'll just stay nice and white and look the part that we actually had in the 49er period. Better safe than sorry.

Dark Nebula Management Called To Corporate HQ

A sudden call for all Director-Level staff members to report to Corporate HQ for a sit-down meeting with the Super Big Biggies happened at the end of the day yesterday, and the Directors must be in the Corporate HQ at 1 p.m. today. They need to travel nearly 100 miles to get there, so it must be important, and it affects us all. Two of the Directors will have needed to fly to get there.

I will keep my antennae attuned for any detectable changes in the energy patterns around my employment situation when I next see those who attended the meeting.

A "vortex of not-knowing" is where the rest of us are left. Oh well, the Tibetans tells us that the death process takes quite a while, and that all sorts of weird images and weird sounds happen on the journey, so I am helping that along by listening to lots of didgeridoo sounds and watching old Charlie Chaplin movies *:-) I also occaisionally sing-along with children's educational tunes, just to keep the mix balanced. Seems weird to me.

Dark Nebula Recommends Death By Strangulation & Dismemberment

Wow. My eyes are open. There definitely will be layoffs. Change happens. Today I printed out the "Stages of Grief" for myself, and shared them with a couple colleagues. I am practicing compassion for myself & others by reading over the stages regularly, and checking in with myself to find out where I am, and then also checking where others are so I don't press the wrong buttons. Apparently our death will be slow, like strangulation, and then parts of us will be "sorted" and sent on either for rendering or repair/reuse.

I am still approved to spend the next several months traveling the state providing training and course enrollments to faculty who will be using our products to serve the underserved over the summer. I feel greatful to be part of this effort, and I appreciate Mother Lakshmi providing some income through my effort also *:-)

As a friend of mine says: More Will Be Revealed

Aggression, Denial, Resistance, Posturing & Child Abuse

Yuck, what an unpleasant work place at the moment. I am one of the lucky ones, because the statewide project that I am a part of got approved to go forward, so I am back on my horse starting Sunday, and am traveling to deliver trainings to faculty who will teach the underserved populations of high school students in this state who would like a chance to enter the University of Blueberry Syrup.

I have chosen the theme "The Gold Rush" as the thread running through all my trainings, because the particular subject I am training the faculty on has been widely identified as the "Gold" level curriculum item on the way to entry into college. I am madly building the trainings because the client moved the dates up, and also doubled up on training sites, which means I have several 12-hour drives ahead of me. No complaints here, because at least for the moment, I am employed *:-)

Our granddaughter was inadvertently abused by the pediatric facility nursing staff that her parents chose for her to get her shots from, and we are disappointed, angry, and wanting her parents to take the appropriate action to protect her medical history in case something results from the abuse (double dosages of immunizations). We have recommend several courses of action, one of which includes getting copies of the medical records and then calling Dr. Dean Edell on the air to ask if our granddaughter will suffer any long term effects of the abuse. We don't know what will happen, and we give a great deal of praise to our granddaughter's mom (our daughter in law) who caught the error and is doing a great job of child raising. We'll wait and see what develops.

Walking In The Redwoods, Bringing In Supplies

My wife & I were able to get away for a bit for a nice walk in the Redwoods *:-) We also had to spend quite a bit of time, and quite a bit of $$, to purchase the ingredients for the special meal that my wife shall prepare this week for the celebration dinner at our house for our daughter's birthday. It was a special request from our daughter, & we are happy to do it, and that means we will almost surely be able to have our granddaughter captive in our home for a little while *:-)

Dark Nebula Active On Weekend Too

30-minute spontaneous mobile phone conversation with a colleague who is not located in the HQ of Dark Nebula, as I am, was fruitful and helped to spread more information among and between colleagues who have been kept pretty much in the dark. Some of us have discovered that the Big Biggies became irate when they found out about the spontaneous meeting that was held on Thursday, a day before they came to "visit". Tienamen square comes to mind, because one of the outgoing managers was very courageous and loving to hold the Thursday meeting without approval. We all thought the meeting was approved, because the Acting Interim Executive Director showed up. It was not approved, and the Big Biggies are furious because their tanks were getting fueled and all set to roll over us on April 1st. My guess is that now that so much more information has been surfaced, and some of it published, that the Big Biggies will retrench and not meet the April 1st date, or will issue only a very watered-down version of what the future will hold.

Dark Nebula Hosting Big Biggies From The Dark Side

Probably just circumstantial, but it seems that the big biggies who come from the Dark Side to visit and preach to Dark Nebula staff are all white folks *:-) Hmmm, might be a good Podcast subject if they terminate me *:-) They are back again today, although I won't see them because I am hiding in my home office because today is a telecommute day for me.

A second level Manager from Dark Nebula stepped out from the shadows very early this morning and delivered 3 solid and serious blows, 3 each, to several of the Big Biggies from the Dark Side, and also some Dark Nebula managers who are protecting the Big Biggies. Very brave, very effective, very appropriate, and it will slow the "bulldozing (her words)" of the core values of Dark Nebula a little. We don't know if it will force a reconsideration of the planned gutting of the founding mission of Dark Nebula, as is currently planned. She is a true warrior, and does not want to see Dark Nebula die too easily, if at all.

My wife is far away today, learning fibrous skills that will deepen her ability to get her message out into the world through fibers. There is no mobile phone service where she is so that increases the perception of distance, and I think good thoughts for her to bring her back safely. She is upset because while transporting her loom to the workshop, one of the bungie cords broke and the loom shifted fairly violently in the back of the pickup, and although the loom itself is not damaged, a piece did go missing, but she did not notice it until the workshop began and so she is upset. I am hopeful that a replacement piece (it is an accessory tray) can be purchased for her.

Dark Nebula Needs Professional Help

Today I emailed to my boss a formal request for professional crisis intervention in our workplace. The emotional disturbance by the poorly handled double-stress hit is reaching dangerous levels and I am concerned for my own physical and emotional safety and the safety of my colleagues. I hear through the grapevine that one of the senior managers also asked for professional intervention, but her request was ignored. I know that management is forced to respond to a request from a non-management employee because of the threat of a lawsuit if I were to become injured after having made a request that was ignored. I heard later today that immediate action was taken and that some sort of intervention is being planned.

I am happy to hear that my granddaughter looks cute in the bib-style overalls that my wife got for her *:-) Our granddaughter is a sweetie and separation from her is painful, even though I don't get much time with her anyway. She gets to go to the snow with her mom and dad this weekend, and I hope they have fun *:-)

Didg! Didg! Smoothed My Brain *:-)

More like 5 hours of didgeridoo sound today. My body and brain are sucking it up as though starved. The atmosphere and environment in my workplace is very poisonous today. Much fear, doubt, posturing, slithering, resenting, avoiding, and anger. That stuff isn't mine, but it filled me up today. I am greatful for the didg sounds that have balanced and cleansed me from a lot of the poison. Change. Change. Change. Let me change easily into whatever form I need to change into to remain myself while being submerged in this river of emotion in the work place. I see myself in other fathers at work, who still have little kids at home and will do anything to protect them. They fight, sneak, and use every weapon they have to stay employed, and I did the same thing, so no complaining from me. I am them and they will be me *:-)

Very productive today, while plugged into the didg-blast from the iPod which helped me stay focused.

I am interested to see how my excess weight will leave me. I was going to one of my "all out" programs to forceably get it off, but that does not seem right at this time. Don't know what will happen. I will stay tuned.

Ten Thousand Pounds Of Depression

No worries, it is lifting now, after listening to 2 hours of digeridoo sounds and after morning meditation. I am sensitive, which means I pick up the vibes that are around me, and in my workplace right now it is a heavy dose of depression. I have learned that it doesn't belong to me though, and even though I am feeling it, it isn't mine and won't kill me *:-)

I wonder if I can learn circular breathing? I think so, because I used to play the trumpet well, and was almost ready to do it then. I want to participate in music and dance with my granddaughter, and so I am slowly infiltrating her house with gifts such as drums and tambourines *:-) Maybe if I show up someday and sit down and just begin playing the didgeridoo she'll get into it and begin her little dance that she does, and maybe she will bang on the drum. That would be cool, IMHO *:-)

Negra Modelo For Lunch...Nap Time

My work group got together for lunch today at a Mexican restaurant, and I had my usual Mexican restaurant meal of chips, guacamole & Negra Modelo *:-) I am feeling very mello at the moment and really had to work hard this afternoon to stay productive. I did plenty of work, so no worries there, but maybe I shouldn't have beer for lunch *:-(

I remember when I got my first real, and quite tough, job and it was as a structural steel draftsman in Ohio. Every lunch the old timers and I would go to the chili bowl eatery and most of the old timers would have a beer with their chili and soda crackers. I tried it a couple times but didn't like how I felt afterward, and had a real hard time in the afternoons concentrating on getting all the calculations done for the bearing loads on the beams I was spec'ing out. I remember I made one bad mistake and did not run the bearing plate out far enough on the end of the v-beam, and the contractor, when he was building the building, noticed it and the company I worked for got a big back charge, which I had to pay half of. Oops. Sorry.

Not A Fast 19 Hours, But A 19 Hour Fast

Ooo. I am grouchy and barky. Today was complete medical physical day, and I started fasting at 8pm last evening and ended up not being able to eat until 3 pm today. Also, I had a hand up my ass, and a person was playing with my genitals as well. Blood, lots of blood was taken, and I had minor surgery, complete with the old-fashioned hot iron cauterizing my flesh, causing the smoke and stench to rise above the operating table. However, it is predicted that I will live at least a little longer, and in some areas I am doing very well. Gee, only 30# overweight. Gee, only slightly slouched in my posture. Gee, I only need to make sure I exercise EVERY DAY with at least 10,000 steps taken during my work out. Good thing my wife and I already got the Nike & iPod thing going to record our walking workouts *:-)

Ok, if I am going to live longer, then I had better get some rest *:-)

EduChunk, EDUCHUNK, & educhunk [(c) 2007] Are Mine, All Mine!

Excellent. EduChunk (c) 2007 is not found anywhere on Google, or Dictionary.com, or Yahoo, or in any reference documents, or anywhere on the web *:-) Also, EDUCHUNK (c) 2007 is not found & I claim that too. Also, educhunk (c) 2007 is not found & I claim that too. I hereby claim them as mine, and I will use it in perpetuity and it is the sole property of me, and "me" is the blogger writing this blog at http://ourautumn.blogspot.com, and the user/owner of the gmail account that is linked to this blog. So There *:-)

Giving birth ain't easy *:-)